Sunday, December 26, 2010

Reverb 10 - Week 3

(Pretty late on this post, I know.  Blame it on the holidays!)

December 15 - 5 Minutes
   I am losing my memory.  But do not forget: You were pregnant.  You had your second little boy, in a record speedy delivery.  He is amazing... a little cuddle bug who flirts and loves like nothing else.  Your first little man started talking like nothing else.  Terrible twos suck, potty training is a non stop battle, but he learned to say "I love you" and it makes you float every time he does.  Your hubby did great at his job.  He is happy.  It is so great to see him happy.  Two nieces were born.  Adorable.  you won NaNoWriMo!  Guess what... You CAN write.  You even finished the novel.  And even though you keep chickening out on diving in to edit the dang thing, you did it.  You chopped your hair off too, donated it like you have always wanted to, and then dyed it red.  You red head you.  Life has been up and down.  Bills have been tough.  Friendships tougher.  But you... you are happy.

December 16 - Friendship
   Everyone I meet changes me.  The question though is if one friend helped to change a perspective this year.  Yes.  Of course.  Oh, pick one?  Well, I will leave names out, for privacy sake.  But this one friend had his life flip turned in every direction but the one he wanted.  Regardless, he has proved that life goes on.  He is making it work, and has proved that no matter what crap happens to him, he is still there and a friend to us.  Makes you wonder how often you ignore a friend who needs you just because you want to dwell on some small piece of unhappiness happening in your life.  Isn't that a part of being a friend?  Being there, no matter what, even if it means to stop focusing on your own woes for just a moment?  I learned that...

December 17 - Lesson Learned
   Again with the broken record!  But really... this is something I truly did learn:  I CAN write.  Well, I CAN finish a first draft of a novel.  Now on to the discovering what I truly wrote... but still.  I always doubted whether I can do it.  Now I know I can.  It really is hard to explain the feeling... but its a feeling I am happy I learned and cherish.

December 18 - Try
   I want to try to bake bread.  So simple, I know.  You just have to understand:  I am a yeast killer.  I do everything I am supposed to do, but the dang dough never rises!  Then in comes hubby and he makes killer dough that has to be punched down over and over.  How he does it, I never know.  I have even had him prepare the yeast for me... yet as soon as I touch it, it dies in agony.  I just don't get it.  So, I figure it is about time I solve this murderous issue and make me some dough!

December 19 - Healing
  What healed me this year?  This is tough.  What healed me... My kids.  They exhaust me.  Try me.  Make me mad and sad and frustrated.  But there is something under all that that I don't even know I can explain.  They love me.  Regardless of everything, all the time outs and no's and tantrums... They love me.  Its that unconditional love.  The belief that one mommy kiss fixes all boo boos.  The need to be held and the smile when they see my face.  No matter how bad the day was, I always feel my heart skip a beat in those moments.  I am needed... and they make me realize it daily (even though some days I wish I weren't nearly as needed as they insist...) 
   In 2011, I would like the healing of more patience... for all those moments I don't feel the love ;)

December 20 - Beyond Avoidance
   Oh, the list I could make of things I have avoided.  But do I dare?  I think I do not.  One thing I have avoided that I will gladly share is the decluttering.  I was so set on decluttering our apartment.  Gutting the closets, organizing, making it purty.  I slowly started, then pretty much came to a dead stop and called the slight messes still tucked behind closet doors good.  I am good at coming up with all the excuses I can for why I stopped... but in all truth, I just stopped.  Plain and simple?  Should I dare to set a goal to finish that project next year?  Uh...

December 21 - Future Self
  From me in 5 years:  Hey, Jenni, how you doing?  Remember that novel you wrote?  You will finish it.  Remember your kiddos that drove you nuts?  They grow bigger, so love them while they are little.  The year of 2011 will be tough, like every year.  Just remember to smile, to stick to your guns, and to remember your dreams.  You will do great.  Trust me, I know
   To me 10 years ago:  You are 14.  You think its love.  And it most likely is.  But just you wait until you experience the full love you will find in just four years.  All the pain and worry and confusion you feel now will seem like nothing, like a dream you had and barely can remember.  Your parents love you.  You will realize that, even though I know you are rolling your eyes now.  And yes, homework should be done... as much as you may say that it sucks.  Someday you won't have any homework, any sports practice or play rehearsals, and you will miss it.  So cherish the moments now.  They barely last.  Just you wait... your life ahead is an amazing one.  Oh, and don't cut your hair that short again.  It just doesn't suit you. :)

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