This is a post I have been putting off posting. I feel guilty in the fact that I have led everyone on for so long now, and it is time to be open and honest.
After these last few weeks of editing, I have sadly come to find that writing is not for me. As much as I do love the random ramble, the process of story creation and perfection has taken its toll. I am exhausted, stressed, and unhappy.
I have been pushing through it, hoping to find the joys of writing once again. And trying to find a way to not disappoint my friends and followers out there. You. All of you. But I cannot lie anymore. There comes a time in life when you have to realize that what you thought was talent and drive is nothing but a hopeless dream.
I need to stop fooling myself and live back in reality. Honestly, what is the likelihood that this "writing" will lead anywhere? I have been reading so many blogs and sites and books. It is an almost impossible industry. If you do get picked up by an agent, you still have months or maybe even years ahead of you before your book comes into print. And even then, you aren't guaranteed anything. And if you self-publish, well... welcome to what everyone is doing. The market is flooded. And what is the chance that your book will be better than the other thousands that are coming out almost daily?
Then comes all of the rejection. From the agents, the publishers. The readers. The bad reviews will no doubt roll in and with each one you read, you will realize that that is one more person who has denied you. All of this hard work, all of this insanity, all it most likely will lead to is sitting and bragging that you wrote a book that no one will read.
Not to mention that is this quest for my writing dream, my home has fallen to mess. My dishes are always stacked a bit too high, my laundry has to wait longer than it should to be cleaned, folded, and put away. My kids wonder if I love my computer more than them. Is that all truly worth it for these few thousand words I have spat out?
It is with a heavy heart, that I must say goodbye to this dream, and this blog. I need to wake up and smell the roses, so to speak. I have been a dreamer for too long. It is time I let reality settle in. As much fun as it might have been while it lasted, this is not the life for me. I am not destined to write great things and see my words in print. I must accept it now, before it gets too late and my heart shatters.
Goodbye my writing friends. It has been good knowing you. I will miss you.
Oh man, if you really believe all that, then you don't know me at all! Yes, all those words typed above are thoughts that whisper in my mind. What artist isn't tempted with those "rational thoughts"? But hey, its not stopping me! There are good things around the corner... I just don't know what corner yet.
I love writing. I crave it. I breathe it and dream it. I talk about it nonstop too anyone who will listen. I could never STOP writing, even if my very life depended on it. I will be on my deathbed someday with Death standing over me, tapping his foot impatiently. And all I will say is "Cool it Death, give me a moment. I need to finish this sentence."
Still, I had to post it. I hope you didn't believe it... for too long. Have a great April Fools Day today everyone, and get some writing done!
Oh, and dear muse, please please please do not punish me for my lie. I love you... I'm sorry.